Alignment (Part2): Self Love
Bartender's wisdom... Or is it?
My dear beloved customers,
A few weeks ago, Taylor Dean-Lipson asked me to write about alignment on his Daily Spark.
As Taylor’s posts are formated to be short and straight to the point, I thought I really wanted to dwell a little more on the subjet in a few posts of mine, exploring further each part of my argument, with gratitude last week and self-love today.
When I decided to write that post, I noticed that, to ease that task for me and save time, I had copied for myself - and totally forgotten about it - the paragraph about self-love I had written in Taylor’s post. I felt so grateful to myself for doing so for I received it as a token of affection on my behalf, touched by the fact someone was taking care of me, my very own self! I think that’s exactly what self-love is all about.
A little recap before we start…
What is alignment?
Alignment is a way of being that allows us to live in peace with ourselves and others and to flow with the energies of life, whatever they are. This state is devoided of unnecessary fears and filled with peace, love and joy.
Self-Love
I have a secret to share with you: when you cease to see yourself through others’ eyes - your mom, dad, husband, co-workers, friends… - there is nothing you won’t like about yourself! Why? Because you love the same things as you! All the joys you experience in life are related to you, not anyone else, to the things you en-joy doing, to the things you’re inherently good at, the skills you were born with or enjoyed learning. Mine are: writing, talking in English, dancing, singing, walking (preferably on a beach, feet in the ocean), smiling, giving and receiving hugs, invent puns, make other people laugh by fooling around… But it took me several decades to learn that and to fully discover myself.
You are the true and only hero of your story so you might as well love that hero.
I think I’ve already stated this more than once but the first time I actually envisonned myself as a distinct human being was during my first therapy, in my late twenties. I learned then to distinguished my own inner voice from my mother’s who had raised me on her own. Before that, hers was very much stronger than mine, covering it, making it resemble a light whisper during a windstorm.
At that time, I was reading Louise Hay’s book “You can heal your life” and started working on her mirror exercise: looking at myself every morning in my bathroom mirror, smiling and saying “Hi” to myself, a much harder exercize than it seems. That’s how I understood I was a single, unique, human being. That was the first step.
Then, I had to get acquainted with myself and learn how to love myself, not despise, not be hard upon, not thinking I was not enough, not worthy… So, as with a friend, I began to spend time with myself, alone, determining what I liked to do, to eat, to create, what filled me with joy, when I was on my own. The more I did that, the more I loved what I discovered. That’s when I stopped hurting myself, getting rid of nocive habits such as smoking - I smoked three packs a day at the time.
What eventually nailed it was when I stopped comparing myself with others, convinced that everybody was doing things better than I was in every areas of life. Indeed, what really impedes us in loving ourselves is our huge capacity for comparison. Our ego has a natural tendency to compare ourself, in a very negative way most of the time, to everyone we know from the rockstar we see on stage to our closest neighbor or else our best friend. But the trick is, no one can be compared to anyone else for we are all unique. Have you ever tried to compare a potato with a carrot? It seems to me quite an impossible task.
But, we are all human beings, will you object! And I would answer you that they are all vegetables! And yet very different from each another. As we all are. And so complementary as well. Put a few potatoes in a pan, add carrots and onions. Try mixing it with a piece of meat or spicies… What a delicious dish you obtain. You think my analogy is far fetched? Not so much - though I do love good food! -, put different people with different skills and sensitivities together and you’ll obtain such a beautiful plate!
The thing is, when we try to compare ourselves to others, we forget that “the other” in question is never really the one we see, they are always a projection of what we see in them, the interpretation our brain makes of them according to our own story, not the exact reflection of who they truly are for we can only access what’s going on in our own head and never really know who the other truly is nor feels. So we spend most of our life trying to compete with an illusion, to be up to someone who doesn’t exist, an idealised idea of a person we think we know or we see through the prism of screens and medias. Aren’t we kind of insane?
So, what I discovered over the years is that I am unique as we all are and that’s what makes me special, just like the rest of us. And I love being special! I’m not better than anyone else, nor worse as a matter of fact, I’m just different. Not sure I’m a carrot, though! I’m more a cherry kind of gal!
And it goes the other way round too. When you learn that about yourself, you stop judging others as well. You don’t despise them for not being like you or better persons than they are, for not acting as you think fit, as you would. You look at them with the same love and compassion you have for yourself, putting yourself in their shoes and asking yourself how you would feel if you were them.
And you enrich yourself with their own uniqueness, open to it, eager to discover a new way to look at the world, a new perspective upon life, the Universe and everything. Their way of being might not suit you but that doesn’t mean they are wrong about their perspective, it just means yours and theirs don’t match and it’s alright, it takes all the colors of the rainbow mixed together to create light but each taken apart is so incredibly beautiful as well. Mixing is not compulsory.
Alignment is about how we look at life but also how we relate to others because it is through love that we achieve peace.
For those who would like further guidance to their own alignment, remember that I am not only a Bartender but also a Life Coach who can help you with tools to achieve this kind of peaceful state of life.
So don’t hesitate to DM me on Substack or on my website G-Spotlight to schedule a session and assess your needs.
Bartenderly yours,
Geay
PS: If you like her stories but are not ready to subscribe yet, you can always tip the Bartender.
Is what happens to you in life personal?
Results, outcome & Samantha Fox
THIS IS AWESOME!!! I don’t visit bars (sorry), but I like this one!
Haha... I always use the apples and oranges comparison. But I think I like potatoes and carrots.
Louise Hay... classic. Another thing we share in common from our "youth." 💕